Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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