Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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