my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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