If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
