and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
