I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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