dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize