I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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