I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize