Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
