Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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