i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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