connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
