Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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