i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
