Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
