so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
