You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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