my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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