I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
