I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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