you would pick up someone in the library
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize