I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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