ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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