Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
