you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
