So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
