im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
