just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
