I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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