my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
