So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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