You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
