It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize