everyone is single if you try hard enough
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
