I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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