The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
