that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
