Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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