I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
