i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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