He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
