Got a toothbrush?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
