i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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