I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
