I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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