I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
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