after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
