They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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