Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
