so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
