Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
