Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
