He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
