well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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