he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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