I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
