Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
