I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
