PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
