please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
