? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
