Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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