it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
