I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I puked a lego.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
