I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
