I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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