Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
