Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
how can u be prego again
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize