I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
