It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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