Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
